Escaping Escape

These last three weeks have been a whirlwind! I've been on the go - visiting family in Kentucky for ten days and then spending a week in New York immediately after. As I was returning home to Tampa yesterday, my flight was delayed three times, and after two hours of waiting to board, we sat on the tarmac for another hour and a half! I finally walked through my door around 2 a.m. Needless to say, I was pretty tired after all that traveling!

Despite being physically exhausted, I didn't feel emotionally or mentally drained. I remember breaks during the school year when all I could focus on was how much I didn't want to go back to work or feeling like I wished the trip could last forever. A sense of dread and sadness loomed in the back of my mind because the vacation was just a glimpse of an escape from an unhappy reality. Sound familiar? How often do we use trips to the beach, cruises, fishing, or even golf as a way to catch a momentary breath before plunging back into the fire?

Let me be clear: I definitely encourage having outlets that help you refresh, recharge, reset, and release the pressure valve that gets built up in all of us. But if you're left with a feeling of dread when it comes to an end, doesn't it defeat the point? If you feel like your life is a constant bombardment of reality waves smacking you in the face and your Saturday morning golf or a four-night cruise is all you need to catch a breath before the next one, it could be a sign that you're letting the ocean toss you around. If you let that happen too long, you drown or get bashed against a rocky shore.

It doesn't have to be that way, though. Vacations and Saturday boat rides don't have to be functional only as a reprieve from a daily life you find unsatisfying and unfulfilling. Instead, you can escape this cycle by building a boat that can effortlessly handle the waves, one that has a strong anchor for rough seas, and one that is not at the mercy of the tides. Because here's the thing: life is never a flat and narrow path, and it is rarely a placid sea, or at least not for long. Will you become a mariner or a landlubber?

I never took personal time as a teacher because it was more work to prepare for my absence than it was to just be there and because my kids needed me (so I told myself). I felt guilty about being away. I've always wondered why there's an implicit guilt to taking time for ourselves or relaxing off from a rigid schedule. Why do we feel bad for allowing ourselves to live? Why did I feel bad about eating delicious food over the last few weeks and like I needed to go to the gym as penance for my gluttony? Why did I feel guilty about not getting a newsletter out last week because I was prioritizing time with my loved ones, whom I don't see more than a few times a year? Why do we feel like taking a vacation is somehow making our coworkers' lives worse? Or, conversely, why do we feel sinister glee when we say, "Not my problem this week, I'm on vacation!" as if we are rejoicing in leaving someone else to deal with the mess?

The mess is really the imbalance we are feeling in our daily lived experience. You shouldn't need an excuse to escape Monday mornings or, more broadly, your everyday life. I usually go to the gym religiously five days a week, I meal prep weekly, and I have structured workdays. These last three weeks, I went to the gym maybe five times total and ate darn close to whatever I wanted, including a delicious meal at a Michelin-starred Indian restaurant in West Greenwich Village. And I didn't think about work or posting on Instagram or give in to the anxiety from "not working."

I could have come back dreading getting back to normal. Dreading going back to the gym because I regretted the last three weeks, or dreading going back to work because I'd been out of it for so long. But I don't dread it. In fact, I'm excited to be getting back into a routine and a life that I love. I am eager to return to my morning walks with Maurice, and meal prepping nourishing food, and continuing my progress toward my goals both in the gym and in my business.

That's easy enough to say and grasp at a surface level, but as I was thinking about this week's newsletter, I was mulling over a more important question: WHY don't I feel the dread anymore? I am aware that I could have eaten better, worked more, found more ways to keep up my physical activity, and on and on. I stepped on the scale today and definitely gained a few pounds on my trip (though I did breathe a sigh of relief that it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be). I'm also very aware that I have a lot of work to do: I have two more paychecks coming from my previous job as a teacher, and that's it - that's the end of my regularly scheduled salary to which I have been tethered my entire working life.

A previous version of me would probably be losing sleep and risking premature balding right now!

But that previous version of me was also living a life he needed to escape from.

Here's what the newer, more Uninterrupted version of me would say to him to help him not feel guilty coming back after a vacation:

• Do what you can when you can. You can't do it all, especially when you’re on the go or traveling, but capitalize on the time that you do have available to you. If you need to work while you are away but don't want to sacrifice time from what you are doing, or if you only have a limited time, make the most of it when you’ve got it. I only had three workout days two weeks ago, so I made them all count. I had an extended plane delay last night, so I used that time to catch up on responding to some work messages.

• Let yourself live a little. Vacations shouldn't be an escape from reality, but they are nice reminders of how wonderful life becomes when we let loose a little, relax, and focus on enjoying the present moment. This bliss is not a luxury exclusive to just golfing with your buddies on a Sunday morning – it's something that exists for you right here, right now. I didn't need a vacation to escape my reality, but using it as an opportunity to revisit my commitment to being fully present with those I love allowed me to more deeply enjoy my time away and reminds me that this state comes from intentional action and choosing to be more present, not some mystical quality unique to going away.

• You can always be learning. It doesn't matter if you are in a car, at the beach, or on a plane; you can always be learning something new—something new about your surroundings or the people you are with. On my trip to New York this past week, I went to the Metropolitan Museum for the first time, and that was quite the learning experience! I learned the water in the Atlantic is a lot colder than Florida, and the beaches are very different. I learned about the history of Montauk and hydrangeas and that Ralph Lauren makes some very soft sweaters. When we learn, we grow and we learn more when we become curious. Become curious about your surroundings and those in your company. Ask questions that deepen your connection, not mindlessly pass time.

• Start saying, "This is exactly where I want to be," and "This is the best _________ ever!" No, really, I mean it! My mother and nephew came to visit last November for his first trip to Florida and his first trip to Disney, and I remember thinking how curious it was that for him, everything was the best _______ ever. "This is the best barbecue chicken ever!" "This is the best biscuit ever!" "This is the best ride ever!" It was hilarious and adorable and a powerful lesson in perspective. I had the best waffle cone in Times Square after watching the best musical I'd ever seen (Sunset Boulevard – it was incredible). And it was the best ever. I have started saying, "This is exactly where I want to be," everywhere I go. Sitting in traffic? This is exactly where I want to be. Admiring a seal dancing around off the coast of Montauk Pointe while eating the best sandwich ever? This is exactly where I want to be. I'm tired of wasting my life wishing I were somewhere else. This is exactly where I want to be.

Are you curious to figure out why you might be feeling like you need to escape your everyday? I am working on developing a wellness profile assessment to give you a snapshot into your unique balance of wellness. One person described it as "Myers-Briggs meets spirituality," and the goal is to begin the process of demystifying the path to your uninterrupted life.

I am currently looking for beta testers for the Wellness Accelerator who would receive early access to the tool in exchange for feedback that can help me to improve the assessment to ensure that it provides the most meaningful information possible for participants! If you are interested in beta testing the Wellness Accelerator for free, please fill out the Wellness Accelerator Beta Tester Application!

Until next time, live uninterrupted.

~Coleman