Navigating Life's Funks

I gotta be honest.

Coming back from my spring break adventure hit me harder than I anticipated. I've felt exhausted, anxious, and simultaneously feeling like I'm doing so much but also nothing. I haven't been hitting the gym with my usual diligence or enthusiasm, and my nutrition has been all out of whack. For the past two weeks, I haven't felt like myself.

I've been in a funk.

I'm sure you've been there before. It's a state we all fall into from time to time. The real questions are: 1) What causes it? and 2) How do we get out of it?

Deconstructing the "Funk": More Than Just One Bad Day

Identifying the cause can be tricky, and it's almost never just one isolated factor. More likely than not, it's a combination of interconnected components. Here's my approach to navigating those periods of feeling "off":

Step 1: Name Your Emotions

Ever feel like you're just not yourself, but can't quite put your finger on why? You know you're feeling a bit disconnected, but beyond that...crickets? This happens to me a lot, and suppressing or not understanding our emotions can lead to added frustration. Identifying and naming exactly how we are feeling is a major step in moving through these lulls. Naming an emotion demystifies it, and in a way, loosens its grip on you.

So, how do I start? I simply begin naming emotions: Am I feeling angry? Sad? Frustrated? Annoyed? Etc. Based on these answers, I can begin to narrow down my emotional landscape. I also actively seek out new ways of describing feelings. Enriching our emotional vocabulary directly correlates to being able to more accurately identify what we're feeling. When we have more specialized tools (i.e., a richer emotional vocabulary), we can more acutely examine our internal state and often discover fresh revelations about ourselves. There's a difference between sad and melancholic, or dismayed versus despondent.

Here are a few unique words to describe common emotions, to expand your emotional vocabulary:

• Languid: A state of weariness or apathy.

• Listless: Lacking energy and enthusiasm.

• Discombobulated: Feeling confused and slightly overwhelmed.

If you are new to thinking about your emotional vocabulary, I came across this chart a few years ago when I started teaching high school music theory. I initially used it as a way for my students to more accurately name and discuss the emotional language of a piece of music, but have since found it very useful to discovering exactly how I am feeling. It is even color coded!

Once you've narrowed down how you're feeling, jot down as many as you think are relevant. As with anything, the more specific you can be, the better. But this isn't to say you have to strive for a list of X number of mood words. Sometimes, just being able to identify and name a single emotion is sufficient for unlocking the next steps. However, if you feel that there are 5-6 words that describe your emotional jumble, write them down and move on.

Step 2: Establish An Emotional Hierarchy

Alright, now that we've been able to pinpoint exactly what's on our emotional plate, we need to figure out how they relate to one another. Let's say I'm feeling frustrated, exhausted, and apathetic. Which one am I feeling the strongest, or which is most significantly impacting my mood? Answering this question can be tough, and it may take some wrestling to sort out, which is why I strongly recommend journaling.

In the case above, let's say I determine that I am feeling exhausted from long days, causing me to feel frustrated at work, and apathetic towards my nutrition. In this case, the root of it all is being physically exhausted. While it isn't always this simple, I do encourage you to at least roughly order the emotions you're feeling, as it can help identify the source. Even if it is simply recognizing that you're feeling more frustrated than exhausted, or something similar. Once you have at least a loose understanding of which emotions you feel are most significantly affecting you, move on to determining the source.

Step 3: Identifying the Source Through Introspection

This is the most revealing part of the process, but is also the toughest. And I'm still working on a better way of doing it, but so far the only way I know how to identify the source is to talk it out, whether it is mentally, through journaling, or with another person. Regardless of which you choose, it takes some introspection, and the deeper the root cause, the farther you have to go and the longer it might take. But, it is critical for not only figuring out your current state, but for preventing relapses.

If I'm feeling exhausted, is it mental or physical? If it is physical, is it because I've been particularly physically active the last few days or had long days? If I am feeling frustrated, I begin by just asking myself, "Who am I frustrated with?" My job? My friends? Myself? Am I frustrated because I couldn't get this done on time or am I frustrated because I had to do it at all? Am I frustrated because of the action or the repercussions?

The goal, in my mind, is not necessarily to aim for finding "yes" answers, but really to rack up "no"s. The process of elimination is a highly effective method for identifying the source of our feelings. Yes, it can take a while, but if we really want to heal ourselves, the first step is prioritizing the healing process.

For most short periods of funks, I find the following sequence helpful:

1. I am feeling _______________________ emotion.

2. Am I feeling ____________ emotion because of another person, myself, or situation?

3. How long have I been feeling this way?

4. What was happening in my life right before these feelings started? Was I super busy? Did I have an upsetting conversation or experience?

5. What has happened since these feelings started? Have I gotten physically ill? Had arguments I wouldn't normally have had?

6. What have I been doing to distract and or soothe myself? Have I been spending too much time on social media or at the gym?

These questions aren't going to answer everything, but they will at least help you eliminate some options. I encourage you to take this step seriously and continue prodding even after you think you have an answer. There can be layers of emotions.

Pro Tip: You don't have to strive for a definitive "yes" or "no." Sometimes it is more helpful to pay attention to whether or not you have a visceral emotional reaction to a potential source. If you ask yourself, "Am I feeling this way because of my partner?" and the answer is unclear, but you feel a reactive negative feeling about them, you know that area is worth examining. If you reflect on your workplace environment, even if it's not the root of your exhaustion, you may have an immediate negative response that signals you may need to revisit it. Treat these like a conversation between you and yourself. These emotional conversations are the most critical step to identifying a lasting solution.

Step 4: Establishing a Timeline

As you start narrowing down the contributing source(s), the next question to ask is, "Is this a short-term feeling or a long-term state?" Sometimes, we're burned out because we've been super busy. I work as the associate director of music at a church, and this upcoming week is Holy Week, one of the busiest weeks of the liturgical calendar with four services this week. It makes sense that I'd be a little extra tired, so by recognizing that it is a short-term cause, not only does it become easier to manage, it also becomes easier to mitigate. We can't always change the circumstances, but we may be able to manipulate our internal and external environments to dissipate the effects. Or, inversely, if it is a prolonged feeling as a result of a lasting cause, we may need to figure out how to rid ourselves of the cause entirely. If the answer is because we're just not happy in our relationship, or our job, or any other extended state, we may need to begin looking for ways to alleviate ourselves of the emotional burden altogether.

Step 5: Finding the Right Solution

Every situation is going to require a different solution. But it isn't always as complicated as you think it may be. It doesn't have to be some 9-step routine that has to be done in perfect fashion in order to be effective. Personally, I think a good night's sleep is the cure for almost any funk. Whenever I'm feeling just out of it, I can almost always gain some mental clarity after getting a solid rest. Our bodies, and brains, cannot function properly when we are tired and I firmly believe healing begins with allowing our bodies to rest. Maybe you need to call out of the office one morning so that you can rest, or go to sleep at 8 pm and tell no one to disturb you. Sleep is our bodies natural way of healing itself, and prioritizing this component makes the rest of the process easier and more effective.

While sleep can solve a lot of things, it doesn't always address the root cause. The purpose of finding a solution is not to just treat the symptom, but to help prevent a recurrence. The proper solution allows us to emerge stronger and more resilient. For example, if social media exacerbates feelings of inadequacy, establishing time boundaries may be necessary. Similarly, if perfectionism inhibits progress, setting realistic expectations and celebrating small accomplishments may be necessary. Over all it's vital to approach life with self-compassion and allow yourself to grow into your best self.

Being in a funk is never fun. But the reality is that we all feel that way sometimes. Balance implies the presence of both sides of the scale, even the unpleasant. "The obstacle is the way" is a truth that has echoed since the time of Marcus Aurelius, highlighting the importance of appreciating the lows and accepting the highs. When we accept that the lows are just as important as the highs, we can approach them as learning experiences. Every time we discover more about ourselves, we move closer to becoming the best version of ourselves. We arise from every slump as evolved versions of ourselves, and I think it is exciting that I am still continuing to grow and evolve. I'm excited that I maintain the capacity to molt and take new forms. This doesn't mean slumps are fun, by any means, but it does put them in a better perspective.

So the next time you're feeling disconnected, I hope you will remember that the fastest way through it is really the slow way. They say life will continue teaching us the same lesson until we learn it, so the sooner we look within ourselves to find the answer, the sooner we can move forward.

I'm just emerging from my little funk, and I'm excited to get back into a better routine and state for a little while. I know it won’t be my last, but the cycle is part of the learning journey, and I am grateful for the lessons learned along the way.

Until next time, live uninterrupted.

~ Coleman