Stress Free Spending

We're officially in September, and that distant rumble you hear? That's 2026 hurtling toward us. Already. Like it or not, 2025 is coming to a close and the New Year is just around the corner.

And you know what that means…

Stressful trips to the mall that include a battle royale in the parking lot.

The pressure to find the “perfect gift” for the people you like (and the ones you don’t).

Checking the bank account to make sure you have enough to get through the season.

The constant barrage of events, parties, and celebrations that exhaust us mentally and financially.

Now, I know what you’re thinking…

Oh my gosh, Coleman, it is September. Can't I just enjoy the fall? It's still 85 degrees outside.

Look, I don't want to think about the holidays or the end of the year either. I'm very much a "live in the moment" kind of person. But I'm also guilty of waiting until the last possible second to prepare for anything, whether that is making a dish for the Thanksgiving potluck or buying gifts for people I love. I don't even think about my Halloween costume until the week of, and by then, it's all but too late to do much more than hope Spirit Halloween has something passable.

And you know what happens?

I usually feel pretty crummy. I feel bad for not bringing anything to the potluck other than some McCormick Gravy or throwing on a white t shirt and writing on a piece of paper taped to my chest what I'm supposed to be (true story).

I feel awful that I put off buying gifts for people because I a) don't have the money or b) don't plan ahead and then give myself one trip to buy gifts for everyone. I end up buying gifts that don't feel meaningful or just don't buy anything at all.

And at the end of it, I'm left with gifts that don't feel satisfying and a screaming bank account asking me, Why, Coleman? Why didn't you do any of this sooner?

This year, though? No more.

I know I'm not the only one who stresses about finding the perfect gift for people. Gift giving has never come naturally to me, mostly because I never put effort into it. But there is a wealth of psychology proving the powerful impact of gift giving, especially when it comes to those we cherish.

Gift-giving, at its core, should be a joyful experience. In fact, studies show that spending money on others promotes happiness and lights up our brains like a Christmas tree. Gift-giving is included in Gary Chapman’s 5 love languages and "activates regions of the brain associated with pleasure, social connection, and trust, creating a warm glow effect," according to the American Psychological Association.

We love seeing the smile on someone's face when we give them a gift that comes from the heart and adds value or joy to their life. That "warm glow" effect is the intrinsic delight in doing something for someone else which increases our compassion, kindness, and gratitude. It's a social act, releasing oxytocin, the "trust and connection" chemical. Giving liberates the soul of the giver (Maya Angelou), and when we give freely and with intention, we enrich not only the lives of others but also our own.

Simply put (and we all know this), giving gifts makes us feel better about ourselves and in our relationships. But there's one caveat…

That "warm glow" effect we talked about?

It evaporates the moment stress and anxiety enter the picture. Scott Rick, a professor at the University of Michigan's Ross School of Business, developed a tightwad/spendthrift scale and, through his research, found that there are very real differences in our brain and behavior when we view gift giving as a stressful or unwanted experience known as the "pain of paying."

The “pain of paying” can be triggered by one or more of the following:

• Anxiety over how much we are spending

• Stressing over whether or not the giftee will like the gift

• Receiving an unexpected gift and not being in a position to reciprocate

• Feeling obligated to give a gift

You can take a short test to figure out where you fall on the tightwad/spendthrift scale here.

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Here's what I'm doing now to prepare for gifting, so I get that "warm glow" without the accompanying meltdown:

1. Reframing Gift-Giving: Instead of seeing it as another to-do, I'm viewing it as an opportunity to use my resources to return some of the joy that people in my life bring me. Gifting shouldn't just be a materialistic exchange, but an opportunity to show someone, "This made me smile and think of you." That’s all a good gift is: something that makes someone else smile and think of you when they receive it.

2. Considering Alternative Gifts: A meaningful gift involves sacrifice of money, time, or both and shows you understand the person enough to surprise them with something that will add value to their life, even if that value is just a smile and a laugh. It could be:

   • A hand-painted card

   • Offering to help with a project or need in their life

   • Planning an experience together

   • A handwritten letter

3. Making a List (and Checking it Twice Now): No more last-minute panic! Create a list of recipients, potential gift ideas in various price ranges, and deadlines. The only way to not let gifting creep up on you is to plan ahead. You may not have $1,000 to drop in a single day to buy everyone's gift, so having a game plan is the way to success.

4. Stop asking "What do they like" and start asking how I want someone to feel when they open the gift. This is a powerful tool to buy the right gifts. Instead of just asking "What do they like?", ask "How do I want them to feel when they open this?"

   • For someone struggling emotionally, find something that makes them smile – even a silly koozie.

   • For someone grieving, find a gift that brings hope, like a calendar of inspirational messages.

   • For someone pursuing a new passion, encourage that passion (a book on a topic they’re studying, a class to build a skill they’re developing, or supplies).

   • For someone struggling financially, a gift card to cover their rent is more meaningful than another Starbucks gift card.

   When you determine how you want them to feel, it makes it a lot easier to ditch the pajama pants and fuzzy socks (not saying there is anything wrong with those — I love fuzzy socks).

5. Planning for the "I don't know what to get them." Have a coworker you randomly drew from Secret Santa or a white elephant? Just make someone laugh or smile. Find a store that has a variety of odds and ends or quirky gifts that can make just about anyone laugh. There is a spot I’ve recently discovered called the Gulfport Beach Bazaar that has a ton of novelty-type gifts that are absolutely hilarious. Every time I go in there, I see a little gift for almost everybody I know that would make them laugh. Maybe that place is Marshall's or a TJ Maxx, or even a local farmhouse decor store like Country Roads Home Goods in Benton, KY (I know the owner, and she's pretty great!). Have your go-to place that no matter who you need to shop for, you can run in and grab something quick.

6. Be okay with the incomplete list. There will be some blank names on your list. That is okay. It will be all right, and they will know you care. The holidays are a lot for all of us, and extending a little grace when someone doesn’t buy us a gift or send us a holiday card is the same grace we can hope to receive when we forget or fall short.

The holidays are a blur, and from now until the end of the year, we all know that time accelerates. Blink and next thing you know it's Halloween. Blink again and it's time to buy a turkey. Blink again and you're taking down the Christmas tree and wondering "Where did the year go?"

I am not letting the stress of buying gifts get in the way of me enjoying the holidays with people I love. That's why I'm planning now.

You don’t need a closet full of gifts on October 1, but with a plan and the right intentions, you can piece together meaningful gifts and, most importantly, share in the joy of simply being with those you love.

That's exactly what No Resolutions Needed is about. This group mentorship cohort launches October 2, and the entire month of October is about managing our mindset around the holidays and making a plan to execute and navigate the chaos poised and controlled as opposed to frantic and with a few more grey hairs that none of us need.

Inside NRN, you will break the cycle of feeling underprepared and overwhelmed and finally regain that child-like joy of picking out gifts for people in your life whom you want to bring a little light.

Here's what you can expect in October:

• Resolution Rehab: debunking traditional resolution strategies and how to set goals that stick.

• Stress Free Shopping: a budgeting bootcamp to plan for gifts, travel, entertainment, and the expected unexpected expenses.

• Financial First Aid: identifying financial triggers and techniques for managing financial anxiety during Q4.

• Avoiding Impulse Temptations: exploring the psychology behind impulse buying and decision fatigue and how to protect yourself from unwanted expenses.

If you're ready to take back your sanity during the holidays and share in the meaningful experience that is the joy of gift-giving, you can sign up here or you can email me directly at [email protected].

Until next time, live uninterrupted.

~Coleman