The 2025 Exit Interview (Part 3)

Alas, we have arrived at the final threshold.

There are only a few days remaining in 2025 and we are standing on the precipice of the new year, suspended between the bewildering question where did the time go? and the stark, sobering clarity of a blank calendar and impending tax forms.

In case you missed the last two weeks, we have been conducting a 2025 Exit Interview. We paused to reflect on where we are (Part 1), and we looked at the horizon to decide where we want to go (Part 2).

If you missed either, I encourage you to go back and visit them. Taking some time to reflect and plotting a course forward are crucial unless, of course, you want to repeat lessons in 2026. Life is more than happy to teach you the same lesson until you learn it.

But we now turn our attention to the final variable in the equation: The How.

Knowing the destination is important, sure, but a destination without a direction is just a daydream. As soon as you define the destination, the bricks of the road begin to be laid before you.

There is a quirky belief in modern culture that our path is already constructed, waiting for us to find it like a hidden Easter egg. We aren’t going to go too deep into free will versus determinism, but my philosophy is that the road is not found, it is forged.

While the final destination for all of us is identical (death), the texture of the journey is up to us. In other words, how we get there and what we do along the way is up to us.

In front of you, every single morning, is a blank canvas. You encounter a field of infinite potential, and through your thoughts, choices, and actions, you transform potential into reality.

You lay one more brick in the metaphorical Yellow Brick Road.

Sometimes life throws in a wonky cobblestone or a mismatched tile that seemingly diverts our trajectory. The amateur curses the stone, the master knows how to transfigure it to his benefit.

So, as we stare down the barrel of 2026 and we think about how we want this next year to look, what does a “good” roadmap look like?

The Death of the "Resolution"

The first step is to discard the concept of the "New Year's Resolution."

Relying on a calendar date to magically imbue you with willpower is a strategy for failure. It assumes that on January 1st, you will wake up as a fundamentally different person.

You won't.

You will wake up as you, with the same neural pathways and the same defaults you had on December 31st.

You do, however, wake up with a fresh set of possibilities before you of who you can become.

Instead of setting resolutions, we must build identities.

When we ground our goals in an identity, we stop viewing them as chores ("I have to run") and start viewing them as evidence ("I am a runner"). We shift from a lens of "attainment" to a lens of "becoming." We strengthen the neural pathways that keep us moving towards a goal and view them through a lens of continual growth instead of finalized attainment.

A central component of Arete (the philosophy and the app) is identity creation. Most people approach change like this:

Outcome: I want to lose 10 pounds.
Process: Therefore I will go to the gym and eat salad.

This isn’t wrong, but it is fragile. It relies entirely on willpower, so if you miss a week of the gym, the goal feels failed, and you quit.

The missing variable is the identity.

The reframe looks like this:

Identity: I am an athlete who respects my body.
Process: Because I am an athlete, I move my body daily and eat food that supports my health.
Outcome: I naturally move towards a healthy weight.

Do you see how the weight loss is not the goal? Instead, it is the lagging measure of the identity, the natural byproduct of becoming.

The Buckets of Being

It might sound silly to say, but you can have multiple identities. You are not a monolith, and you have competing desires and responsibilities. To manage this, I prefer to view life as a collection of buckets.

You do not need to overhaul your entire existence at once. In fact, doing so usually leads to burnout. Instead, choose 2–3 “buckets” to focus on for this next season.

As part of the identity creation process in Arete, I intentionally created some “buckets” that can help you think about your goals. Here are some examples of buckets that you could choose to work on:

• Vitality: This is not just "health." This is your energy, your rest/sleep, your nutrition, and your physical capability.

• Contribution: Your work, your business, or your creative output. How you add value to the marketplace or the world.

• Connection: Your relationship with your partner, your friends, and your community.

• Expansion: Your intellectual and spiritual growth. Reading, learning skills, meditation, or "Misogi" challenges.

Pick your buckets. Then, and only then, do we build the supporting structure.

The Psychology of Goal Setting (The SMART)

I use the term "Goal Structure" intentionally. A goal is not a sticky note that says "Get rich."

A goal is a system.

When writing goals, a classic, psychology-backed framework is the SMART Framework.

I don’t want to risk sounding like a corporate HR seminar, but if we strip away the fluorescent lights and look at the mechanics of it, the SMART framework is actually a formula for combating entropy. And, furthermore, every goal has a web tied to it that, when ignored or not formed properly, actually works against us.

S - Specific (Signal vs. Noise)
The universe responds to precision. "I want to get in shape" is noise; it is vague energy. "I will lift weights 4 times a week" is a signal. Specificity collapses the wave function of "maybe" into the particle of reality.

M - Measurable (The Feedback Loop)
If you cannot measure it, you cannot manage it. Measurement is not about judgment, it’s about data. You need a feedback loop to know if your input is yielding the correct output. And, another tidbit of psychology is that our brains respond better to short-term feedback. Put another way, small, regular wins do more for our success than larger, infrequent milestones.

A - Attainable (Conservation of Energy)
This requires the "Realist" within you. Losing 50 lbs in a month violates both the laws of biology and thermodynamics. If the goal creates too much friction, the system will break. Aim for the edge of your ability, not the impossible.

R - Relevant (Resonance)
Does this goal harmonize with the Identity you are becoming? If your goal is to run a marathon, but your Identity Bucket is focused on building a business that requires 80 hours a week, you have created dissonance. Your goals don’t all have to focus on one aspect of your life, but they should be in consonance with one another. Does your goal make sense for you within the context of your life in 2026?

T - Time-Bound (The Tempo)
A goal without a timeline is just a dream. Time creates the container for the work, so setting a specific date for a goal or milestone is something to work towards. There are lots of frameworks out there, and one I am exploring in 2026 is the 12-week year, inspired by the book of the same title by Brian Morgan and Michael Lennington. Setting horizons of three months is much easier for the brain to comprehend and actualize. The human brain struggles to compute "5-Year Plans," but it understands "End of March."

If you want a more thorough explanation of the SMART framework and how to use it, here is a great resource from the University of California.

The Daily Mortar

Identities are the compass. Goals are the map. But your daily actions are the steps.

Your life is not built in monumental breakthroughs. It is built in the micro-moments, the thoughts, choices, and actions you take in the most menial of moments.

Following the theme of this series, for each goal you create, ask yourself these five questions to ensure you actually walk the path:

1. What is one action I can take every day that leads me towards my goal?
   If I’ve said it once, I’ll say it a thousand times: Your day is your life in miniature. You may not know every step of the journey, especially if you are growing into a new version of yourself, but you can likely think of the smallest step you can take that will help get you there. What is the one small action, that if repeated for 365 days, makes the outcome inevitable?

2. What do I need to think in order to achieve this goal?

   Our thoughts create the world around us, and you have the power to choose what those thoughts are and therefore the world you create. If your goal is to lose weight, you must first think (and believe) that you can lose weight. If your mind is clouded with negative, unhelpful thoughts, they will forever inhibit you no matter the goal. What thoughts that, if repeated, affirm the inevitability of the outcome?

3. Who do I know that can support me in my journey?
   Journeys are best walked together. Who can hold the standard for you? Who can you call when the resistance gets heavy? We often try to suffer in silence, but shared suffering creates bonds, and shared victory creates momentum. And, if you don’t have that community, that’s a central part of Arete. I built a community feature into the app so that you always have a community to support you on your quest.

4. What is my contingency plan?

   Motivation is a fair-weather friend. It is fleeting and it will leave you. There will be days when you “just don’t feel like it,” or you’re tired, had a rough day at work, you don’t have the time, whatever you want to throw in. There are always a million reasons to not do something if you are looking for those reasons. Self-discipline requires that you choose actions that affirm your ideal identity, not provide sanctuary to your complacency.

   This also includes having a plan for derailment. Something is always going to get in the way and knock you off track, and that’s okay. This is about managing expectations. The question is not, “How will I avoid being derailed?” but rather, “How will I get back on track if it happens?”

   Together, these form your if…then statements of your goal.

   • If I am too tired to go to the gym for an hour, then I will stretch for 10 minutes.

   • If I miss my morning reading, then I will read two pages before bed.

   Give yourself a floor, a minimum viable action, so you never break the chain of your identity. This is your life vest if you get tossed overboard.

5. How do I want to FEEL?

   To me, this is the master question. Our spirits are pure intuition, our minds just get in the way. Our egos obsess over the result, but our souls live in the process. Do you want to spend 2026 gritting your teeth, kicking and screaming, and force-feeding yourself just because you think you should? Or do you want to feel expansive, challenged, and alive?

   If the path creates agony, you will eventually leave it. If the path creates flow, you can walk it forever.

You are about to have 365 fresh units of time deposited into your account.

What will you do with them?

A Note from the Workbench

For years, I have been learning about these concepts, about wellness and living the best life possible for as long as possible and what that even means. And for years, I have been frustrated by both the lack of tools to support them and the fragmentation of the experience. I was tired of bouncing between five different apps, trying to cobble together a "system" for a life well-lived.

So, I built the solution.

As I announced last week, Arete is finally ready for its first breath.

Arete goes beyond being just a habit tracker or mindfulness app. It is a digital companion designed to bridge the gap between who you are and who you want to be. It takes the philosophy we discuss in this newsletter—identity-based goals, community support, daily reflection—and puts it in your pocket, in one place.

Arete walks the journey with you.

I am looking for 100 dedicated co-creators to join the Founding Circle.

As a Founding Circle member, you will have a direct line to me and take an active role in creating the future of Arete. You will tell me what works, what doesn't, and what features you need to live an uninterrupted life. You will help shape the tool that will eventually help thousands of others.

With Arete, I want to give you essential tools that are psychologically proven to lead to transformation and help you learn about yourself in the process; to make living a happier, healthier, life every day easier and simpler.

We do not fully launch until these 100 seats are filled.

If you are ready to take part in this exciting adventure, click the link below to learn more about the app and join the Founding Circle!

theareteapp.io

And if this isn't for you, I have a simple request: forward this to someone who needs it. Help me put this tool in the hands of the people who are ready to build, grow, and evolve.

🥂 Here’s to 2026, exciting new adventures, and to the road ahead.

Until next time, live uninterrupted.
~ Coleman