The Hedonic Trap

We are taught that the finish line is where peace is.

We are taught wrong.

The Finish Line is a Ghost

Most people frame goals like this:

“I want to achieve this thing (run a marathon, lose 20 pounds, go to the gym more, read 10 books this year, etc.)"

And then, they set out to do that thing.

If they want to run a marathon, they might go buy some new running shoes, download an app like Strava, and set out on their way. If they want to lose some weight, they buy all “healthy” food at the grocery store, hop on Amazon and order a bunch of supplements that are “guaranteed” to help them burn fat while they sleep, and might even join a gym and hire a personal trainer.

None of these are incorrect actions - they all undeniably help accomplish those goals.

What happens next?

One of two routes usually:

1. They get lost in a yo-yo of progress: doing well for a while, falling off for a bit, jumping back on with renewed motivation, and so on until they either talk themselves out of the goal (What was I thinking trying to run a marathon?), change the goal (Maybe I'll just run a 10K), or give up entirely.

2. They accomplish the goal. (They lose the weight, run the marathon, read the books, etc.)

Concerning outcome 1, there are lots of ways to increase your chances of success. One method, which I’ve talked about before, is to use the SMART framework and make your goals specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound.

This newsletter is not about setting better goals, though. Today, I want to talk about why it doesn’t feel good when you actually accomplish them.

Let’s say, for argument's sake, that you accomplish every goal you set out to do. You want to learn a new language, you do it. You want to conduct Mahler’s Resurrection Symphony, you got it.

Imagine that you cross every finish line.

What then?

Being on a Treadmill

A few weeks ago, I mentioned something called the hedonic treadmill. This is the concept, developed by Philip Brickman and Donald Campbell in the 1970s, that people quickly return to a baseline level of happiness despite positive or negative life changes.

Hedonic adaptation explains why when you purchase something you’ve “really wanted," it loses its luster almost instantly. Sure, it feels nice to leave the store with a new Louis Vuitton or drive off the lot in a shiny Benz. Maybe you even get a little spark of happiness for a while every time you get to wear the shoes you bought, or use your new espresso machine.

Eventually, though, that magic fades. A car is just a means to get you from point A to point B, a bag just holds your wallet and keys, and that new gadget you “had to have” sits untouched for days or weeks at a time.

This same concept applies to the goals we want to achieve.

Maybe your goal is to get a promotion at work. So you work extra hard, come in early and stay late, get the boss's coffee when he asks. You put out the best work you can for as long as it takes.

And guess what? It pays off! You get promoted! You even get promoted to the CEO of the company. Let’s take it one step further: you buy out the company and are now the owner!

The day you get your new office, you’re thrilled. You decorate the office just how you always imagined, your family is happy because you’ve finally “arrived” and then…

The extraordinary settles into the mundane.

When you were told you were hired as the CEO, you were bouncing off the walls. Took your family out to dinner, bought the most expensive steak and champagne, and threw a party.

The next day?

You aren’t bouncing off the walls anymore or buying champagne every night. You might love what you do, but the spark fades and you just go back to ... normal.

So you find the next carrot to chase, and the cycle repeats.

This is how many of us view our lives: one continual conveyor belt of goals; achievements that are somewhere else, far off in the distance.

I want to be clear that there isn’t anything wrong with you when this happens. It’s how humans are designed.

The explanation lies partly in how we view happiness.

Why Joy Doesn’t Compound

Happiness doesn’t compound.

Many of us treat happiness like an investment account, assuming that if we “do the right things,” the interest will accumulate until we are wealthy with contentment.

Happiness is, first and foremost, an emotion. And emotions are caused by a brief flood of chemicals from the brain into the bloodstream. These chemicals have a short-term spikes that quickly return to a baseline level by design.

Because these chemicals can’t be stored, they must be continually manufactured. In other words, if we want to sustain being happy about buying that house or getting that promotion, we have to think about the experience of being happy over and over and over again. Like anything, the more we revisit the memory, the more familiar and comfortable it becomes and the less “happiness spike” we get until the novelty has completely worn off and we feel nothing.

One way out of the endless cycle of diminishing happiness is to view goals as waypoints or mile markers on a continuous road.

We do this by rooting our goals in an identity we are creating for ourselves.

By approaching our tangible goals as nothing more than goal posts on a journey to become a version of ourself we aspire to be, we stop viewing them as a list of checkboxes and chores.

If your goal is to lose 10 pounds, every action you take becomes a “required item.” You have to go to the gym. You can't eat those sweets. You must eat less.

Mixed in is the shame you feel when you fall short of those tasks. And if it doesn’t work, or if you can’t seem to move the scale despite these actions, you look elsewhere for solutions. You buy into weight loss supplements and shots, you stop eating, and walk until your legs fall off in a desperate attempt to see an arbitrary number on the scale.

In doing so, sure you might be at your target weight, but how does it feel? Do you feel rested? Nourished? Healthy?

Or do you feel a baseline level of panic that one stray step, one cookie too many, can send you over the edge on your scale?

Is it any way to live feeling like you are one wrong move away from doom?

From Achievement to Identity

I am suggesting a system that instead of beginning with the question “What do I want to accomplish?” it starts with “Who do I want to become?”

The flow then becomes:

Who do I want to become?
⬇️
In order to become that person, what do I need to believe and value?
⬇️
What actions and behaviors align with those values?

This doesn’t completely do away with goal-setting, or SMART goal frameworks, or any of the supporting actions. But, from this perspective, achievements are byproducts of who you are becoming as opposed to focal points.

Losing 10 pounds or running a marathon is a byproduct of you becoming a runner, or a lifelong athlete.

Reading one book a month is a natural consequence of your journey to become a scholar, and a daily act of kindness is just one supporting action that reinforces your identity as a compassionate leader.

Building the Evidence

This process of identity → values → supporting actions is the foundation of my app Arete. Not only is it the first app of its kind, but it aims to create an organized space to create these identities for yourself, build the structures that support them, and help you execute them in your daily life.

Arete moves beyond an endless cycle of meaningless milestones and instead prioritizes on collecting evidence of who you become along the way.

It’s felt like forever since I started building Arete, even though it’s only been about 3 months. But I am so excited to see this project cross the finish line and make its debut to the public very soon. There are still spaces available inside the Founding Circle to get first access to the app’s core features and lifetime access to all future, premium features. You can sign up by visiting theareteapp.io!

Until next time, live uninterrupted.

~Coleman