The Passion Paradox

Here is a controversial opinion: I think the question, "What are you passionate about?" is utterly useless more often than not.

What does that really mean?

If I had a dollar for every time someone has asked me that on my journey, I'd have at least 50 dollars. Which, $50 is $50 and I wouldn't complain (I'd probably have more than that, but you get the point). And if I'm honest, I've probably asked that question just as many times to friends, students, colleagues, loved ones, and even the occasional random stranger.

But the more I think about it, the more I believe it's an inherently unhelpful question, especially if you haven't first asked yourself: "What do I actually enjoy?"

I challenge you, right now (or once you've finished reading this newsletter), jot down a list of everything you genuinely like. Focus on the active form. Deliberately contemplate what you enjoy doing, and then make a conscious effort to articulate it. Write it down, speak it aloud, or put it in your phone's notes app.

Compile a list of the activities in your life that bring joy, and for each item, we are going to rigorously question why. Do you genuinely derive pleasure from it, or do you engage in it out of habit, obligation, or the illusion that you should enjoy it?

Here's a few from my list:

• Traveling

• Paddleboarding

• Tennis

• Working out / Physical fitness

• Learning

• Reading

• Writing

The conventional phrasing of "what are you passionate about," implies a need for grandiosity in your answer. We casually toss around this word "passion," associating it with sweeping actions that change the world, when really all that question means is "What do you love doing?"

That's it. If you want to unearth your passions, begin by contemplating what you enjoy. The challenge, however, lies in persistence – in continually diving deeper to unearth the root.

Take eating, for example. It's undeniably one of my favorite activities, especially an indulgent dessert. But is the mere act of eating my passion? Or am I passionate about exploring new cuisines and restaurants, expanding my palate (and, consequently, my worldview)? Am I passionate about the communal aspect of dining – sharing a meal with loved ones? Am I passionate about the act of service itself: cooking culinary delights that bring joy to my friends and family?

For me, it's all of the above. And, this example underscores a crucial point: there's always a deeper layer waiting to be explored.

Mel Robbins discussed this in a podcast with Gerald Adams. She posits that one should ask themselves: What gives you energy? What activities energize and light you up? While I agree with conceptualizing passion through this lens, I think it merits an extension.

Passion isn't solely about what energizes you; it's about the symbiotic relationship between what invigorates you and what you enjoy dedicating your energy towards. Countless things can give you energy, but that doesn't mean you like giving your energy to them.

When we identify these intersection points – where what energizes us harmonizes with what we willingly devote our energies to – we've identified a passion.

Did you notice how I said "a passion" instead of "our passion?" Another misleading component of today's question is the subtle implication that one should seek out only one passion. Art, music, helping others, fitness – we're supposedly limited to a single, all-consuming focus.

And to that I say hogwash (since I probably shouldn't use the word bullshit).

The myth that our lives are reduced to discovering a singular passion or purpose (which we'll delve into in next week’s newsletter) is counterproductive. To presume it would be simple to identify one solitary aspect of our lives to declare as our sole passion is absurd, and undermines the inherent, multifaceted complexity that defines you.

You are more than just one passion. In fact, you likely harbor multiple passions worthy of exploration, celebration, and sharing with the world around you. You can be passionate about interior decorating and traveling and empowering others to see the best versions of themselves. You can be passionate about basketball and writing and astrology. When we fixate on the singularity of the question "What are you passionate about?", especially within the context of navigating a career path, we deprive ourselves of the freedom and autonomy to explore all facets of who we are and all that we can be.

You are not meant to find your passion, or to live your passion.

You are meant to live your passions (plural).

Fulfillment is achieved when we embrace all sides of ourselves, not by isolating one.

What's worse is that we continue to uncritically parrot some version of, "Follow your passion and the money will follow." Another rubbish colloquialism, however well-intentioned. We must shed ourselves of the notion that our passion must be inextricably linked to our profession.

Your passion does not have to be your job.

Is it nice when the two align? Absolutely. Do I believe everyone should strive to find a profession that aligns, in some way, with one of their passions? Without a doubt. When we discuss occupational/vocational wellness, a key component of well-being within our work is discovering meaning and purpose in our occupation. Most of us spend at least one-third of our days working, five days a week (if not more!). So, yes, it's crucial to engage in something you enjoy. But, in our relentless pursuit of linking passion and profession, we must remember that we are more than one passion and – even more importantly – more than our job. You can be passionate about fishing without becoming a professional angler. You can be passionate about cooking without opening a restaurant. Or, as I would consistently remind my students, you can be passionate about music without pursuing it as a career.

If you are curious to clarify some of your passions, grab a journal and a pencil and answer the following questions:

• What do I enjoy doing?

• What activities energize me?

• When do I feel most alive, fulfilled, and engaged?

These all essentially mean the same thing, but I find that having multiple iterations of the same question can help remove mental obstacles or the “I don’t really know” fallacy. Start a list that you regularly revisit. It might consist of five items today, and then you add another three the next time you sit down with it.

Now that you have your list, we are going to dig a little deeper using a simple three step framework:

1. Drill down: What fundamental elements truly ignite your soul within each activity? Is it the camaraderie and connection with others? The adrenaline or rush of adventure? The satisfaction of accomplishment? The genesis of something beautiful through creative expression? Try to simplify down to the essence, the core of each activity.

2. Amplify: Once you've identified these core essences, brainstorm other activities in your life that resonate with these same elements. The goal is to pinpoint areas where you're already, perhaps unconsciously, embracing a passion. By simply bringing conscious awareness to these connections, you create opportunities to further cultivate that passion.

3. Expand: By recognizing where and how you already fulfill those essences, experiment with new avenues in your life. This is an ongoing experiment: what novel ways can you incorporate those specific fundamental emotions and engagements? Brainstorm activities that fall under the umbrella of your passion that you might not have explored before, priming your brain to embrace new experiences and expressions of your passion.

It might look something like this:

I am passionate about music.

I am passionate about music because I love the expression of beauty.

I can find opportunities to experience the expression of beauty through spending time in nature.

While that's a condensed example, it serves as a starting point – a step towards becoming aware of our passions and, therefore, exploring more ways to cultivate them.

If you want help clarifying your passions and using them to identify tangible goals in your unique balance of wellbeing, this is exactly what we work through in my Wellness Clarity sessions. In these 60-minute, private calls, we will uncover the root of your passions and use this information to brainstorm actionable steps that give you more of what you love doing and move you closer to your uninterrupted life.

You can book your wellness clarity session here!

Our lives are not meant to be reduced to a single passion that we must live, eat, sleep, and breathe. Our lives are meant to be lived fully embracing all of our passions and creating more space for the ones that resonate most deeply with us. We find fulfillment when we give ourselves permission to seek our out passions (again, plural) and to find new ones along the way. The journey to discovering your passions is not finite. There is no conclusion or destination. Living a passionate life isn't about walking a singular path, illuminated by some grand epiphany or spiritual awakening achieved after a week-long retreat in a South American hut with a guru.

Living a passionate life is about consciously curating more space for the activities you love doing with the people you love doing them with.

That's it.

Until next time, live uninterrupted.

~Coleman