The Path of Non-Resistance

Ever have one of those weeks where it feels like the universe is conspiring against you?

This past week has been a lesson in non-resistance. In addition to my teaching job, I am the Associate Director of Music at a church. A few weeks ago, our Director of Music retired and I have stepped in as the interim director until a new candidate is hired. Last Sunday, five people messaged me the morning of, saying they couldn't make it. Talk about a curveball! A last-minute scramble ensued and we had to change the anthem right before the service.

And wouldn't you know it, this week (today), I have another concert coming up, and four of my best singers are now sidelined due to illness. At this point, I'm starting to wonder if I should just go out and buy a good karaoke machine and call it a day.

On Friday, I left work early in order to get to the gym for an earlier-than-usual personal training appointment. I wanted to get home early enough to get myself ready for a birthday party I was attending later that evening. Well, the workout lasted two and a half hours instead of an hour and a half like I had expected, delaying my drive home and causing me to sit in bumper-to-bumper traffic for 10 miles on my hour drive home (that would have been 25 if I had left at the time I wanted). So instead of getting home at 3 like I wanted, I didn’t get home until 4:45, leaving me 15 minutes to change and get out the door.

In those moments, when everything seems to be going sideways, I've been practicing something I've been diving deep into lately: non-resistance.

The Expectation Gap: Where Disappointment Thrives

We resist because we have expectations. We have ideas about how things should be, and when reality deviates from that script, we tense up, get frustrated, and fight against what is. As Michael Singer writes in "The Untethered Soul," our minds are constantly narrating and judging our experiences, creating a layer of resistance between us and the present moment.

It's like expecting sunshine and getting a downpour. Sure, we can curse the rain, but that doesn't change anything. Or we can grab an umbrella.

This internal resistance manifests in countless ways:

• Frustration at setbacks: The project that gets delayed, the goal you don't reach on time.

• Annoyance with others: The slow driver in the fast lane, the coworker who doesn't work as diligently.

• Disappointment in ourselves: The workout you skipped, the healthy meal you didn't make.

But what if we could soften our grip on these expectations? What if we could meet each moment with acceptance, rather than resistance?

Embracing the Flow: Finding Freedom in Non-Resistance

The path of non-resistance isn't about becoming a doormat or passively accepting injustice. It's about recognizing that we can't control external events, but we can control our internal response to them.

Here are a few insights that have helped me on this path:

• Acknowledge the Resistance: The first step is simply noticing when you're resisting. Are you feeling tense, frustrated, or angry? These are clues that you're clinging to an expectation. Recognizing and naming these feelings help demystify them and bring our awareness away from the “problem” and towards the solution.

• Question the Expectation: Ask yourself, "Is this expectation serving me?" Is it realistic? Is it worth the emotional energy I'm spending on it? Is my frustration a result of unfair expectations? As a teacher, I am often met with classroom situations that don't go as planned - usually because my expectations aren't aligned with reality. I can't expect 14-17 year olds to be fully engaged when they’ve had two tests that day, just came from lunch, and we have a pep rally at the end of the day on a Friday. That’s just a recipe for disaster, and I can either cause myself pain by adhering to unfair expectations, or I can release them.

• Release the Need for Control: This is the tough one. It's about surrendering to the fact that life is inherently unpredictable. As Marcus Aurelius wrote, "You have power over your mind - not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength." We cannot control much of our external world — we can only control how we respond. When we relax our grip on the world around us, we can all breathe better.

• Find the Opportunity: Even in challenging situations, there's often an opportunity for growth, learning, or connection. Maybe the choir setback was a chance for others to shine, or simply to practice going with the flow. There is power in releasing, and we can only get better at it with practice. Even when it seems like everything is falling apart and nothing good can come of it, sometimes the best thing to do is use it as an opportunity to move through without resisting what we can’t control.

• Focus on What You Can Control: Instead of dwelling on what you can't change, shift your focus to what you can influence. Can you adjust your plans? Can you offer support to someone else? Can you simply choose a more positive attitude? Can you adjust your expectations to be more aligned with reality? Can you release your expectations altogether?

This week has been a reminder that life rarely goes according to plan. But by practicing non-resistance, I'm finding a greater sense of peace, flexibility, and even joy in the face of the inevitable. It also allows me to focus on wellness and living a more fulfilling life.

After all, sometimes the greatest adventures are the ones we never saw coming.

What expectations are you clinging to? Think about your relationships, your work, your health. Are you latching on to expectations that are causing you pain? What notions about your reality could you release to allow your energy to flow more feely?

Oh, and that “birthday party” I was going to on Friday night I mentioned earlier? Turns out it was a surprise party my amazing, loving students threw for me to thank me for my time as their teacher. It was the first surprise party I had ever had, and let me tell ya, I was 100% in shock. When we release our expectations, we often receive far greater gifts than we could have imagined.

Until next time, live uninterrupted.

~Coleman