The True Recipient of Thanksgiving

Since there will not be a newsletter next week (11/30), and with my favorite holiday, Thanksgiving, just around the corner, I wanted to take this week’s letter as an opportunity to explore two closely related concepts: gratitude and thanksgiving. 

Is there a difference between the two? I wasn’t really sure when I first sat down to write this, but as I fleshed out some thoughts, an answer began to take shape. 

Gratitude

The first distinction that comes to mind is this: gratitude is a state of being, an embodied orientation toward life, while thanksgiving is an action, one expression of that inner state.

To give gratitude requires an inward posture of joy, contentment, and recognition. Gratitude is an act of worship and an inward, quiet acknowledgment of the source from which your inner steadiness comes. When you say, “I’m grateful for…” you’re acknowledging the source of your internal joy. 

The “attitude of gratitude” is precisely that: an attitude. An outlook, a way of being, a way of seeing the world.

The grateful person is equally grateful for the sunshine, the rain, and the rainbow. The one with a gratuitous nature has achieved this by being appreciative of life daily, for the ups and downs, and even when nothing exciting is happening or something doesn’t go according to plan. Gratitude is the smile on your face even when the coffee spills or when traffic isn’t cooperating, and it does not falter when something “bad” happens.

Gratitude, as a clarification, is also not happiness. Happiness, as I’ve expressed before, is a fleeting emotion while gratitude is an enduring state of being, one that guides your relationship with the inner and outer environments.

Thanksgiving (minus the turkey)

Thanksgiving, on the other hand, is gratitude made visible. While rooted in gratitude is an outward display. It is the physical offering, the words, the prayer, the piece of writing. It is the reaction to what has stirred gratitude within you. 

This is not to say that giving thanks is “lesser” than gratitude. In fact, it is a part of a nature of gratitude. Just because thankfulness is a temporary emotional response to a temporary circumstance does not diminish its importance.

Showing your appreciation to others or for good fortune is important for many reasons, one of them being to connect our inner feelings with the outer world. Your words and actions are a reflection of your inner state, and when we cultivate an inner gratitude, we can’t help but show that to others when they have done a kind deed or service for us, or when fortune favors us. It naturally spills out of us.

The True Recipient

Where things get interesting, for me, is when you ask, “Well, who is the offering for? Who is the thanksgiving for?”

The answer is: yourself. Not in a self-centered kind of way, but in a deeply human way.

We often say “We give thanks to God,” or “Mother Earth,” or to “Our Creator.” We place money in an offering plate and believe it is for “God.” We believe the prayer of thanksgiving over our food is to “bless the hands that prepared it.” We give thanks to this day for our daily bread, and inso doing mistakenly attribute our joy to something outside ourselves. 

But the source, whatever you choose to name it, does not need our affirmation because there is no separation between the two.

To have a personal relationship with the divine is to invite the divine to dwell within you, not amongst you, outside you, or above you in some distant, untouchable realm. The Divine is the one who is present, awake, and aware: you. Thanksgiving merely tunes our consciousness to recognize what is already here and that the “offering” always returns back to the one who gave it.

When we acknowledge the “source,” we forget that we are actually acknowledging ourselves. 

Trace thanksgiving to its roots and something subtle but profound emerges: the act of giving thanks doesn’t do anything for the recipient and does everything for the giver. Even when we direct our thanksgiving outwards—towards God, the Universe, our ancestors, or people in our lives—the actual experience of gratitude, the feeling we get by doing so happens in us and to us, not the other way around. The warmth, peace, perspective shift, the feeling of abundance, arise internally.

We are the ones that are changed by it.

In that sense, thanksgiving is a gift we offer ourselves, a moment where our own consciousness pauses and recognizes the good that already exists in our life and names it out loud. Not because God needs our acknowledgement, (in fact to accept the omniscience of God is to accept that there is nothing we can offer that He/She/They need), but because we do.

The “recipient” of the thanksgiving is ultimately the one who feels it, speaks it, and is transformed by it.

And beyond the metaphysics, psychology also proves this. Studies in gratitude and positive psychology consistently show that regular gratitude practices benefit the person practicing them, not the abstract or arbitrary recipient. Journaling, prayer, writing thank-you letters, or speaking a blessing out loud changes your emotional state, rewires your attention, and strengthens your sense of meaning and connection.

Gratitude Practices

There are countless ways to cultivate and practice gratitude in your life and by strengthening our internal gratitude muscles, we not only improve our general attitude, but also build resilience in the long run and better equip ourselves to handle the tumultuousness of life.

There are no right or wrong ways to practice, and finding a method or combination of methods that work for you in your life is more important than any one practice. The key is to tap into the feeling, the inner state, the inner source: the connection to yourself.

Here are 10 ways you can practice gratitude this week:

1. Start a gratitude journal.

   The classic. Get out a piece of notepad, your notes app, or an app like Arete which has a daily gratitude feature (wink wink - app is in development and coming soon!). Jot down 1-3 things you’re grateful for every day. Simple, quick, and effective! A way of making this more fun is to find an item that you wouldn’t normally express gratitude for. Pick up your favorite pen and be grateful for it, or the toothpaste in your bathroom, or the lamp by your reading chair. Make it a challenge to find gratitude in obscurity.

2. Begin a mindfulness meditation practice.

   Mindfulness meditations are reliable tools for cultivating gratitude. Here is a great guided meditation on Youtube. It doesn’t have to be a “sit on the floor and say ‘ohm’” kind of meditation. Simply closing your eyes and picturing or naming all that you are grateful for for a few minutes will do. Picture it and feel yourself being grateful silently. You can even repeat a mantra like, “I am grateful for all that I am and all that I have been given.” Do it on your morning walk or commute to work if you need to, but find some silence to strengthen your gratitude muscle.

3. Sign up to volunteer.

   Not just this time of year when everyone wants to feel better about themselves. Find opportunities to volunteer in February when it’s cold outside and there isn’t a major religious holiday that dictates giving back, or on a Saturday in July when you’d rather be at the beach. When we help others, we are reminded of all that we have.

4. Spend time with loved ones.

   Friends and family are usually our biggest sources of gratitude. They help us feel supported and loved, essential components to a healthy life. Spend time being present with them, without the cell phone, distractions, or kitchen arguments.

5. Give away to others.

   Find things in your home that you no longer use. Or, take it a step further, find items in your home that you do use but don’t need. This practice isn’t about giving away your junk to charity because it selfishly clears out your house. Give away items that you know could benefit someone else. Let the act be meaningful, not convenient.

6. Shift your gratitude perspective.

   If you struggle to find things to be grateful for, imagine yourself from someone else’s perspective. What would your husband be grateful for about you? Or your kids? Coworkers? The random person you passed in Walmart? Maybe they were grateful that you smiled at them when they were having a rough day. See yourself through someone else’s grateful eyes.

7. Feel gratitude for your body.

   Many of us would write down “I’m thankful for my health,” but I’d challenge you to take it a step further. Look at yourself in the mirror and be grateful for your messy, curly bed head. Be grateful for your hands that allow you to work, or your legs that carry you. Be grateful for your wrinkles and thinning hair because it is a testament to a life of experiences and joy. Be grateful for your reflection and the evidence of a life lived.

8. Write a gratitude letter.

   Pick someone or something in your life and write them a letter. Express everything about this person or object that makes you grateful. You don’t have to deliver the letter, or you can if you’d like - gratitude is about you, after all. But dig deep into all the little things about a person who has made you grateful.

9. Speak gratitude

   Maybe writing isn’t your jam, and there is immense power in words. As you are going about your day, whenever you come across something for which to be grateful and you have the opportunity to take a conscious moment to acknowledge it, say out loud “I am thankful for ______ because ______.” “I am grateful for the money in my bank account because it allowed me to have a experience with someone I love.” You don’t have to shout it from the rooftops, but say it out loud to yourself. Feel the vibrations in your chest and the gratitude in your heart.

10. Make a gratitude inventory
    This can be done anytime, anywhere, and is especially effective when you are feeling angry, frustrated, or need a pick-me-up. Look around you and identify everything in your surroundings to be grateful for. The computer so that you can work and earn a living. Your fingers for being able to type. Your favorite coffee mug and your best friend who bought it for you. The clothes on your back, or the weather. Whatever you can find, take 30 seconds and inventory all that is around you to be grateful.

“I am grateful for all the blessings I have received and all the blessings that are to come.”

Gratitude helps us live happier, healthier lives each and every day. It builds a resilient mindset and provides a steady raft to float down the ever-winding, sometimes turbulent, river of life. Whatever practice, or practices, you choose, remember the true recipient and sink into the internal world of gratitude.

May this week bring you joy in the presence of others and healing in the absence of those lost, contentment in all that you have and appreciation for the sacred fragility of it all, and love to be freely given and received. And, may you not worry about the 2 lbs you gain by eating delicious food. Weight can be sweat out, but sharing a meal with those most special in your life can never be replaced.

Until next time, live uninterrupted.

~Coleman